Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
