When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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