I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
