like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
