We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
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i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
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I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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