I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
