I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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