my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
