At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So many bounce houses so little time
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
