I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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