clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
