remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
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I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
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Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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