um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
