guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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