just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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