Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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