I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize