no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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