were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
