he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
