You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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