I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
