So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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