Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
