I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
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btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
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Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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