I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
