Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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