Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
