That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
