Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
