I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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