that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
