Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
