I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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