Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize