Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
