you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Less talking, more tequila
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
