This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
