I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
