Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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