I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
