Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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