Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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