I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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