And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
