im drinking this country out of the recession.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
