This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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