I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
