I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
birth control should be required to get into college
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
