Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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