oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
