I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
