I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
