i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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