So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
