end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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