i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
