Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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