Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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