and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
operation have a gay friend backfired
worst night to have a conscience
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We're too hungover to prance.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
