People in love make me want to vomit
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
