Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Can I color on your dick again?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
