i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
