So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
