1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
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Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
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Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My vagina is very pro this idea
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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