dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
