Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
