Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
