Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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