I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
