Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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